How to lose a restaurant in 30 days

So a couple weeks ago I had mentioned that a mysteriously-named restaurant on my route to National Runaway Switchboard had closed only a month after it opened. Sure, there's the well-known aphorism that the best way to make a small fortune in the restaurant business is to start with a large fortune, but one month? Was Jerry Seinfeld the only customer? I've seen plenty of good restaurants close, but despite being a few credits short of my finance degree (TM Tom Waddle), like all of them, I'd really like to see their business model. Despite the unpredictability, I'd have to guess that any restaurant that could close in a month would never have succeeded regardless of quality. So I'd suppose that would make my point about the restaurant's signage decently moot. But still, as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm not really sure how you draw attention to your new restaurant if you're not already a big name. Some has to be quality and word of mouth, but a marketing scheme has to be involved. And when that scheme appears to solely consist of something even I could have constructed with Photoshop, you might instantly conclude this place was designed to fail. And I've never even used Photoshop. At some level, I feel a little bad for them considering this could have been the best restaurant in all of Chicago for all we know, and was derailed by a bad business model and even worse marketing savvy, and at the same time don't. Anyway, graphic designers prepare to cringe. This was their sign:


As a bonus question, what do you think the name of the restaurant actually was?

And as a double-bonus, a friend sent this in a few weeks ago. I can't zoom in enough to see exactly where it's from, but I believe it to be a Baltimore area church.

Sound advice for the upcoming weekend. Have a good one!